


If I die

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anger, Death, Diary/Journal, Drabble, Family Drama, Feelings, Gen, Hatred, Honesty, Sister-Sister Relationship, personal problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 13:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This is what I would want my sister to read, after I'm dead.Basically a lot of drama, nonsense and real talk, also this is my first story EVER so be gentle please <3Rated T for language.ENJOY!!!!!





	If I die

If I die, this is what I should have said,

 (This is only about and for my sister, mainly because if I say what I think about her and **only her** , I’m about 99.9% sure it won’t turn out to be a soppy, sad and sweet _‘goodbye I will always love you’_ letter)

And if I by any way have unexpectedly already died or some other reason I couldn’t tell this is person, then what I’m going to say next is **very important.**

I did **NOT** write this to make my sister feel bad in any way, I know this is going to sound like I do but it’s not. I want to tell her how I felt about the way she handled things and how she treated me, I want to tell her how seriously it all affected me and how it’s not normal to treat people like she does.

I want to start off saying this is not _the_ truth, this is _my_ truth and my truth only.                                                                                                                                                 I’m saying this because everyone experiences things differently, that doesn’t mean that they’re lying because they’re probably not, they’re just telling _their_ truth and sharing _their_ point of view.

I started this document out of anger, sadness and maybe the need of some sort of revenge or payback. Now that my anger has subsided and made room for calmness and a need to be understood and heard (or read), I think I’m doing this because I owe people an explanation In all that rage and anger I probably would have described my view of my sister in that very moment, most likely with a lot of hate and an unfair point of view. As for that very vivid and thorough description, maybe I will put it in anyway, who knows?

I’m also writing this in English which is not my native language, I think it’s because I feel like I can express myself better. Or maybe it’s because if someone were to come across this document, other than the person I’m originally  writing this for, I want them to be able to read it.

 **_\--_ ** _And also I obviously don’t have a beta for this so all the spelling errors are mine, and I apologize. **\--** _

I’m noticing that this ‘letter’ is slowly becoming some sort of digital diary, on second thought maybe that’s exactly what this is, a document designed for a person to write their side of the story without being interrupted or disturbed. To blow off steam or to pour your heart out. Though for this to be a diary, it has to be a private thing right? Well, since you’re reading this, I presume that kind of failed.

I’m starting to think about posting this on one of those sites, where you can write and publish your own story. I don’t know if I’ll actually go through with it though since this is kind of private, and I have absolutely no writing skills or experience whatsoever.  

Anyway, I’m getting off track..                                                                                                                                                                                                                            **Back to the point—**

Remember how I said that my anger had subsided? Yeah forget I said that, she didn’t do anything to make me mad again or something and I wasn’t lying before, I swear. I just didn’t realize I was still shaking with adrenaline and rage until I got up to get something to eat.

I begun this because I had things to say, feelings to explain. I didn’t write this for entirely for her, I did it for me too. I realized I can’t really calm down if I don’t figure this out for myself.

 

How I would’ve described my sister a few hours ago, just after the ridiculously childish fight we had, would probably be a little exaggerated, completely anger driven, very rude and genuinely uncaring.     I can still recall what I really wanted to say (shout) at/to her during the fight. ( I had to write a little of what she said for it to make sense, basically the fight was about me sitting behind her and she claimed that me sitting behind her was making her uncomfortable.)

“Wow, you are so childish. Oh my god.” Said my sister, whom I had been fighting with for the past fifteen minutes.

“Why would you say that? I’m moving the fucking chair aren’t I?!” I replied, already getting more and more frustrated.

“I’m not saying that you’re childish _now,_ I’m just stating my opinion, is that wrong or something?”

 **So this is what I said:** “Well, since we’re being so _honest,_ I think you’re a fucking idiot.”

 **But here is what I _wanted_ to say:** “Really, well I think you’re an arrogant, jealous driven, self-centered moron who is to stupid to realize that the world is not about them, and other people have feelings too. I think you’re IQ matches the score of a walnut. You strongly feel the need to act like some perfect girl in school and the fact that you can’t be yourself around your so called ‘friends’ angers you, apparently your tiny dimwitted excuse of a brain seems to think it’s perfectly fine to take this out on your ‘loved ones’ since they’re stuck with you. Your selfish ass is convinced it’s **never** your fault, even when you’ve managed to piss off the _entire_ household, you’re absolutely sure It’s _them_ and not by any chance _you._ I can tell you this with confidence, if you keep this shit up, **no one** is going to stick around, you’re going to end up alone and depressed because you’ve pushed everyone away. And that is my opinion.”

But if I’m being honest, I don’t think she would’ve understood or even listened to any of that, And it would possibly mean my death if I said this to her. That’s why the only way she’ll get to read this, is after I’m gone so she can’t kill me herself..

So here is where you have all probably been waiting for, the end.

 

                                                            If I die, this message is what I want my sister to read and remember,

**“I hate you”**

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Your sister

**Author's Note:**

> So as you can see I have decided to publish this, and I'll probably end up regretting it for some reason.  
> Please leave feedback, and don't be afraid to correct me on stuff <3


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